Jakey Jake

the plane was meant to leave from melbourne at 10.30am however because of an engine problem we were delayed 1.5 hours so i didnt arrive into LAX until 8.45am. The trip was pretty uneventful, watched a couple of movies and was unable to sleep for the most part, although the times i did fall asleep i would wake up with a startle with my head on a strange mans shoulder. So arrived in LA and caught the public bus into santa monica, which is a whole lot cheaper than taking shuttles or cabs. I had to organise a ticket to miami and the only flight center i could remember was the one on venice so i scooted over there and 450USD lighter had my plane ticket to naples florida. Spent the rest of the day looking around santa monica’s beautiful shops and trying to decide whether i should go out to the airport or head in to the orbit hostel and get a few short hours sleep before heading off at 4am to catch a 6am flight. Orbit won. I caught up with katana, mohammed and steve, managed to have a couple of beers before hitting the hay, LA is just as i remembered it

I missed my shuttle bus by 2minutes (assholes) and thereore had to catch a cab which wounded my wallet far more than i felt necessary, and then he expecteded a gratuity which i felt should have been more inline with a “fuck you and have a nice day”rather than some financial reward, but hey its the US of A. anyway a few hours later i arrived at Miami FLA and proceeded to have my dinero fleeced again, having to catch a cab around the corner (literally it was less than 300m but you couldnt walk it) to the greyhound bus stop 10 dollars lighter. I had to wait around in the bus stop for 4 hours before the bus left for naples, the three hour trip was going to take 4.5 hours due to thick smoke from a fire. In the bus stop these three black Americans struck up a conversation about their children and general life in the US. The guy was trying to get the women into a 3some and really didnt care who else in the bus stop knew, the women sounded like they were upfor it to, and had you seen either of them you wouldve wanted to relieve the pressure on your intestines with a chunder, these people were OBESE. Unusual i hear you say for the states… well no and the strange thing was she was proud, the guy asked her if she could cook, she gets up and says “take a look at me baby, does it look like i cant cook, look at the size of me baby, ill cook you the best food you ever had”in my mind i was thinking the fact that you can eat really has no logical connection with your cooking ability, but your show certainly proves how incredibly effective you are at eating

so i slept on the bus for most of the trip, while coughing my lungs up everynow and again. Eventually we arrived in naples at 10pm and i preceeded to take a cab to the ritz-carlton. I met up with sammy, david, georgia, rae and richie who were having dinner at the hotel restaurant, as a pre wedding guest arrival do. I think they were all pretty smashed but they managed to get me checked in to my room even though they all thought i was about to die from some pretty heavy coughing fits. So there i was in my lovely room on the 8^th floor overlooking beautiful vanderbuilt beach and the hotel, looking forward to sleeping in my massive king bed with my 40” lcd tv and inroom internet…. ahhh the luxuries. Next morning i had buffet breakfast. Oh, this is what i look forward to most at hotels, big glorious, copious, bountiful, plentiful food of the breakfast variety YUM. The wedding was a great success even though they weren’t able to hold it on the beach due to the smoke. The band was fantastic and made everyone shake their tush but we all bailed pretty early because of jetlag. The next day we drove from naples to miami in a stretched hummer which was an experience, 3 hours on the road having a great time with the klingers, i have to say theyre an awesome bunch of people, im really liking getting to know them and my dad and tina. So we had a few drinks at the 4 seasons beore i hopped into a cab to miami south beach where i was staying at the tropics hotel on collins ave a1a.